Wednesday 28 January 2015

CAN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS / MARRIAGES LAST?


Can a Long Distance Relationship Last?





If you asked me can a long distance relationship survives, my answer would be, 'hardly'. can  a long distance relationship stay strong for years? 'maybe'. can  a long distance relationship last forever? 'unfortunately, very unlikely'.

On what basis do I based my opinion above? through years of first hand witnessing hundreds of love and relationship crashes as a divorce lawyer. every single day, the same stories were told to me, with a slight difference of details here and there. but the very core of the problem? always the same, long distance relationship.

Do you know that many divorce lawyers actually do a minimal work in preparing their final
submission in court? because 99.9% of the time, the story has been told hundreds and thousands, if not millions of times. So most of time, they just need to change the 'details' of their former clients with their new client's details and the documents are ready to be submitted to the court. 


At some point, the same stories and issues are grouped to be submitted on the same day in a particular court just to make the judges' life easier. Listening to the same problem over and over. Giving the same ruling over and over.

The same stories. the same issues, eventually ends with the same ending. A divorce.

While long distance relationship is not the sole factor that generally leads to divorce, it certainly is among the most dangerous and the most difficult to handle. 

Their chances to survive a long distance relationship for years are very thin. What more to last forever. They just can't handle it separated for too long. No matter how loving and caring the partners are.

Why is it so difficult to survive a long distance relationship?


From constant observation of human interactions for years, these are the main reasons why long distance relationships has been the the reason behind millions divorces around the globe:



Sexual Need



have you heard some people say, 'a marriage without sex has no way to stay strong"?

Or, "a sex deprived marriage is a problematic marriage"?

Do believe in those sayings.
Because in 99% of time, it's undeniably true.

Why is that so? Why is sex can make or break your relationship? 

simple. Because the two soul in a marriage are human's. They exist with needs. and the most dangerous need of all is sexual needs. This need can change a father to a beast, a son to a monster, a sister to a snake, even a religious person to a devil.

One of the main reason to marry is to legalize sexual intercourse between spouses. Once you are married, you are pledged in a way to only have sexual intercourse with your partner and no one else.

And when the legal partner is unable to fulfill the need, how long can the loving soul last until frustration and anger takes over?

Psychologically, sexual intercourse can boost up the mutual love and affection between couples. In most cases, sex can solve any given problem in a relationship.
It's a love potion. A stress relief tonic. A must vitamin to a happy life.




Emotional Need



Do you own a cat? or a dog? How do you connect with them? How do they know that you are his owner? How do you build the love and trust relationship with them? By calling their names per se? Can your dog be connected with you if you don't touch him?

Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that our spouse are pets.
Let's focus on the interaction built.

The more loyal the dog or the cat is, generally measured by how close is your physical interaction with them.

Is a dog that sleeps on their owners bed has the same amount of loyalty and affection towards their owner with the dog that sleeps outside? 

Is a dog that lies on his owner's lap while watching tv the same with the dog that sleeps by the door?

Will a dog which's been hugged whenever his owner come home, during dinner, while watching tv, before going to bed, before going to work and whenever possible, will act the same as a dog that's been put outside the house all day?

Interactions that produces the unbreakable trust and affection. You can't stay in love for too long without physical touches that connects you and your partner emotionally.



Loopholes to misunderstandings

This is as clear as the sky.

If you can't really control your son when they live with you, can you control them when they are far away from home?
If you can't stop your self from suspecting your husband or your wife on certain thing sometimes in your marriage when you live together, can you stop suspecting at all when he's or she's far away?
If your misunderstandings and quarrels usually cool off with sex or affectionate touches or looking at the face of your beloved partner, how do you plan to cool them off when they are far away? Is listening to their voices is sufficient? can the image from skype spark the same love and affection when you face them in 3d?


Let me share a case study on long distance relationship.
The end of an icon of perfect marriage. Long distance relationship problems


*******   Story of the Day  ******


A woman in her early thirties finally received her fate when she was divorced by her husband of 8 years. This is years of patience we are talking about. It's not 8 days. but 8 full years. we can hardly be patient to see our beloved other half after two to three days of separation, but this is 8 years. 

If we look at the fact of the case, early in their marriage life, the wife was blessed with a stable government job as a teacher hundred miles away from her husband's place of work. both can't let go of their profession. 

For eight full years, they were living as a weekend husband and wife. their weekdays were packed with work and friends.

In a glimpse of an eye, they appear as a happy married couple. 

Some says, the distance will make the love stronger and hotter. 

Many couples seem to take them as an example as a perfect long distance relationship couple.

and one day, which happens so suddenly, they returned to their friends as a divorced husband and wife.

They have no one to blame. in fact, they only have themselves to blame.

They chose their own destiny. they chose that very exact ending from the very beginning.

It's true, the distance would make the love and affection stronger and hotter, but bear in mind that theat'd be the case only when the distance is temporary, and it's not for far too long. as the blessing of 'missing' would gradually fade away and turns frustrations which would turn to loveless marriage in no time if it's not rescued in time.



So dear readers, when you have the opportunity and ability to choose your destiny, please choose it wisely.

In most of the time, value your relationship over your profession. A good and stable profession is a bless. but it can turn to a curse if it jeopardize your marriage and relationship.

With the love you receive from your loved one, you'll have the strength to rebuild your profession no matter where you are. In contrast, no matter how wonderful your profession is, it'd nothing without the love of our loved ones.


So choose carefully. Decide wisely. for the best life is one which is full of love and affection.








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